How to handle childcare as a freelance writer

This is an unusual episode. In this one, we're going to talk about is there a reality where you can balance both freelancing and parenting (and not feel like you're failing at one or the other.)

There are a lot of people out there who are in this boat (or are soon-to-be in this boat), and there are a lot of question marks around this topic. Our hope is that this episode is the honest chat you need to hear with insights you can leverage in your life as a parent and a freelance writer.

In this episode, Emma shares her firsthand experience striking this balance while Kaleigh peppers her with questions.

What were the early days like for you of balancing your career and being a new mom?

Emma: It started before I got pregnant. One of the things that was attractive to me about freelancing was the control it offered around my schedule and my life. I knew I wanted to have a family one day and that its flexibility might serve me.

But, yes: It was a little bit scary that I wasn't going to have any financial backing when I took time off for maternity leave.

“When I got pregnant, the first thing on my mind was: ‘Well, I'm not going to have any paid leave.’”

Other big questions that came up for me when I was pregnant were:

What is work going to mean post-child?
Am I going to want to work full-time or part-time? Maybe I'm going to want to be a stay-at-home mom!

I didn’t know the answers to these, but I wanted to be open about what motherhood was going to mean for my life and my work. I didn't look into that many childcare options while I was pregnant. I looked at one daycare before and…I couldn't imagine my kid there. I just thought: “I will figure it out once I have him.”

Once I had him, it was exhausting. I couldn't even think about work. I know some people go back after two weeks but I planned for a six-month leave. But once he was three or four months old, I was ready to go back, so I hired a part-time nanny.

How did you deal with the fear of losing clients?

Some people get coverage for all of their clients while they're out on maternity leave. I had coverage for one or two clients. I pretty much shut down the business because I didn't want to think about it at all. What this looks like for you depends on the kind of business you run and where you are in your business.

I was terrified about making enough to cover the nanny, which was silly. I wasn't was solely responsible for it. I was also worried about getting back in the swing of things and wondered if anyone was going to want to hire me again.

“I emailed my contacts: ‘Hey, I just want you to know I'm back from maternity leave. I'm taking on a few projects before the end of the year.’ And guess what? Someone got back to me right away.”

What was the work like for the first few months?

In the early days when I came back, I didn't have enough hours to do much work. In some ways, it was a relief. I was still sleep-deprived and trying to figure out my new life.

One mistake people make when coming back post-baby is reaching out to everyone and saying yes to whoever comes their way first.

I was deliberate about which clients I reached out to. I targeted straightforward projects (because I didn't have the brain space to try and take on something completely new.) For example: It was hard to do case study work because I didn't have time for interviews.

I will say, though: when I came back after my break, I was able to re-dedicate myself to the business. I went above and beyond for the first client I worked with after maternity leave. It was similar to starting over again…and then very quickly (within three to four months) I was back where I was before.

Then, COVID happened. Sigh.

Reality versus expectation of freelancing with parenting

I lost my child care when COVID hit, but I kept my business running.

There’s a myth surrounding freelancing and parenting: That freelancing is this perfect job for a stay-at-home parent. Their kid goes down for a nap and they can write an article.

Um…no, it isn’t.

This narrative is bad for parents. It's difficult to be a parent and be home to raise your kids. It's a job in itself and lack of awareness about this reality only adds more stress on parents.

How to do both well

The simple answer is GET HELP.

It’s unrealistic to expect that people are going to be able to do everything without childcare. I had five months without any child care at all, and now I have full-time child care.

Looking back, I should have had full-time child care from the beginning. And if we choose to have another child at some point, I'm going to.

How did you find a personal balance between doing both of those things?

It's a struggle every day. The biggest fear with motherhood is that there won’t be any space left for me. Mothers in general put a lot of pressure on themselves. Some working moms feel pressure that they don't spend enough time with their kids, so they feel guilty.

Then comes the personal identity question. After a while, I needed things outside of Mom groups to preserve my sense of self. Freelance writers usually work from home, and when your kid is at home, the physical proximity makes it difficult to have time for yourself.

“Flexibility is a double-edged sword.”

It puts the pressure on you to take on more than you’re capable of. The solution, again, is getting help. Daycare definitely helps with it. It not only gives me time for myself but is great for the development of kids in general as well.

A closing piece of advice for people who are also wrestling with identity issues is this quote from Gretchen Rubin:

“The most reassuring thing that I've realized through all the big changes in my life is that no matter what I've done, like having a kid, or getting married, on the other side. I'm still me.”